Everything is Fiction

My books below are available at Amazon.

Hunny the TV Man Versus Love & the Mob

 Tales of an Aging TV Repairman & Don Juan 

April Fools' Day, 1961, leaves Gil "Hunny" Hunnicutt stiffed on a TV service call, and he'll be damned if he doesn't get paid. His mission nearly kills him at the gun-toting hands of a crazy lady, but she isn't the only lady who pulls a gun on him and isn't the only crazy lady in his life that month.

While he envisions an unappealing future and has a slippery hold on a new-found love, he's still tethered to his two polar-opposite sisters and isn't sure, at his core, which one of them he's more like. His wandering "antenna" has had a chokehold on him for much of his life, but now he's ready for love's chokehold. However, first he has to free himself from the chokehold of the Albanian Mob, which he's stepped in like dog doo-doo.

His journey leads him to Judy Garland and Carnegie Hall, a hitman in drag, questionable deaths, FBI spooks, and his very own felony—courtesy of the Mob—all while juggling family demands, true love, homophobia, racism, and the curse of shadow puppet shows. Hunny learns growing up is hard, especially for an old dog who's used to running in circles, chasing tail.

The Medicinal Martini

 Take Two Martinis and Call Me in the Morning 

After cracking up in Europe, gumshoe Dusty Darling is sailing home to Manhattan. His R&R soon gets shelved when he accepts an urgent assignment from another passenger, a Park Avenue dame with a badly banged-up kisser. Next thing, he's drawn into a curious shipboard death, a shady disappearance, and a rash of jewel thefts. All the while, he battles mal de mer, and the doctor's Rx is pretty much, "Take two martinis and call me in the morning."

A shameless womanizer, Dusty has the hots for the ship's pretty social director. He's also flipped for a beautiful twin with a poignant past, love of string art, and nitwit fiancé. A screwball colonel, a stagestruck teen, a crafty gigolo, and two shipwrecked sailors add to the high seas hijinks.

A cozy mystery, set in 1961 and mixed with equal shots of murder, romance, and humor, lands the pickled Dusty in a pickle. Just how far overboard will he go for love?

Playbook for a Dame

 Dreams! Drive! Danger! BALLS! 

It's 1954. Mona Winston, now a ripe fifty-two, is hell-bent on finding fame on the stage. She's devoted ten years to chasing after Hollywood film roles and New York teevee jobs. After a gig as a carnival hootchy-kootchy dancer, she lands in Metroville, the Broadway of the Midwest. Filled with more drive and self-delusion than talent, the hard-scrabble Mona knows she'll make it, "because I'm tough!"

Nevertheless, life is still a struggle. She survives prison time and a bout with amnesia. She tangles with dangerous men, including two exes, a lynch-happy farmer, and a merciless drama critic, but yearns for the only guy she trusts, a three-armed musician with an extra shoulder to cry on. Mona finally scores a choice role in a major Metroville play. On the brink of stardom when opening night arrives, she makes two startling discoveries and must choose between her shot at fame and a shot at being a stand-up broad.

Geezer Summer of Love

 When Old Men Were Sexy 

Middle-aged Monique lives the good life, with dear friends and a well-providing—though emotionally estranged—husband. Her diet of young lovers, travel, fashion, and social events is losing its magic, so when friends present her with a game challenge during the 1967 Summer of Love, she reluctantly accepts and finds herself living among "the poor people."

Factory closings, race riots, hippies, Vietnam, drugs, and microfilm provide the backdrop for her quest to uncover the origin of the "old pud" vogue, which has made sex objects out of very old men. Along the way, she uncovers much more and, in a bold move with the help of her friends, changes her life and the lives of many, many people in her home town.

Tall Buildings

 Disasterpiece Masterpiece 

In 1962, that quaint time of polio, carbon paper, and the Constitutional right to an attorney, Junemarie leaves the farm for Manhattan to become a career girl—and to find a husband.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer and more than a little xenophobic, she doesn't know the meaning of the word 'surrender', despite being an assistant editor in a prestigious publishing house. Her pursuit of handsome Ken Davenport is so relentless she's not deterred by her own acrophobia and the calamities to the city's tall buildings that season, including a tornado strike, towering inferno, defenestration, rooftop decapitation, and elevator mutilation. She learns about free love, beatniks, jazz, and psychoanalysis, attends the celebrated Leprosy Charity Ball, and pens her own space-age novel. The shocking secrets of a hard-boiled veteran editor, peculiar co-worker, and her beloved Ken are revealed along with her own closet's skeletons.

Not everyone can conquer the dizzying heights of modern Manhattan. Can Junemarie?

Stories That Never Turned Into Novels

 A Random Collection of Tongue-In-Cheek Stories 


  • TELSTAR
      60's career gal romance
    • The editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine finds the "perfect husband" for her June cover via a live satellite teevee broadcast from Paris. Oo-la-l'amour!

  • MOLLY'S BOOLIES
      Rural horror
    • A third-rate artist on the lam settles in a Midwest farm townand encounters strange weather and stranger residents.

  • DEVIL OR ANGEL
      60's southern melodrama
    • When a stranger turns up in an oppressive Mississippi town, family secrets are revealed and a "bad" girl finds hope.

  • ZOMBIES ON THE MOON
      Lunar lunacy
    • A colorful lunar rescue crew travel to the other side of the moon. After the crew bring home more than moon rocks, they discover something about life, death, and what it means to be human.

  • THE DOLL CRUISE
      Ocean liner horror
    • A woman deals with grief on a luxury cruise that takes her too far beyond the horizon.

  • BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY
      60's fugitive romance
    • After an ex-gym teacher breaks out of The Big House, she's stranded at a mountain cabin with a handsome hermit and his bear. Will she go on the lam or become a prisoner of love?

  • OPERA, WHEN FREE
      60's operatic tragedy
    • A childless, abused wife who loves opera lives her dreams…sort of.

  • WELCOME WAGON
      70's suburban horror
    • Bud regrets moving to suburbia with his nagging wife and irritable daughter. His new neighbors, however, provide him with an unorthodox solution to his problem.

Everything is Piction

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Dream Hotel

Dream Hotel

Dreamhouse Dreams

Dreamhouse Dreams

Retro RomCom

A Retro RomCom

Blessed Event

Blessed Event

Seaside Sensation

Seaside Sensation

About Me

EVERYTHING IS FICTION

I'm your typical writer. A retired software developer, I live in the woods with seventeen cats, every back issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine since September 1965, and a framed autographed photo of Phyllis Diller.

Divorced, I swear I'm not bitter about my husband running off with a younger woman, who used to be a man.

And I fictionate. Fictionate like a rug. (The photo of Phyllis Diller isn't autographed.) But I channel my mendacity into my novels, into the pretend world where we all like to live.

When I'm not fictionating, I'll tell you I'm a southpaw who loves jazz and classic movies and sing standards to my heart's content in the car, shower, and canned vegetable aisle (part of that was fiction). My first president came sometime after Coolidge and my first husband was a jerk. I prefer fake plants to real ones and live birds to stuffed ones. My philosophy—if it's not worth doing twice, it's not worth doing at all—has saved me from jumping off more than one expansion bridge. All in all, I'm your run-of-the-mill, 21st-century optimistic cynic.

Healthy Habits

CLEAN SOAP & LESS PLASTIC

    For some time now, I've gotten into a few healthy habits.
  • I use BioBag compostable trash bags (even though I don't compost); they're more bio-healthy.
  • I use Kora treeless, BPA-free, pesticide-free toilet paper. Bamboo grows soooooo fast, so much faster than trees. Bamboo/hemp/kudzu/whatever should be used to wipe our butts instead of precious trees.
  • I make my own weed killer.
  • I wash with pure soap like Dr. Bronner's Castile or Kirk's Castile. No hormone disruptors,sulfates, or other potentially harmful chemicals in it.
  • I use pure shampoo, too, for the same chemical-free reasons as soap. I like Liggett's bar shampoo.

The soap and shampoo are both BAR SOAPS. I like that (1) I'm not contributing to the shipping of fluids, which only wastes fuel during transport, and (2) these items are wrapped in paper, not contained in MORE DAMN PLASTIC.

Although I've gotten used to the convenience of liquid soap, I can no longer justify supporting the unnecessary shipment of fluid, especially when there's a simple solution. No, not go back to the days of bar soap at the bathroom sink. It's fine in the shower, along with the bar shampoo, but I like a liquid soap at sinks. My solution? I make my own. Here's my recipe. I can add essential oils (peppermint/lavender) or vanilla extract for fragrance, but I prefer the plain soapy smell.

LIQUID SOAP

     Ingredients
  • Half gallon of water
  • 1 bar of pure castile soap, e.g., Dr. Bronner's or Kirk's (you need the castile soap, because it contains natural glycerin)
  • Big pot
  • Cheese grater
  • Funnel
     Steps
  1. Sit in front of the TV with your big pot, cheese grater, and soap.
  2. Grate the soap in the pot as you watch TV.
  3. When your show is over, add the water to the pot.
  4. Bring the water to a boil so that all the soap melts.
  5. Set the pot aside for 24 hours, stirring occasionally. It will thicken.
  6. Funnel into hand-pump liquid soap containers.

It's not as pretty as store-bought soap, but it's (1) just as soapy, (2) contains no chemicals, and (3) doesn't waste transportation fuel.

DISHWASHING SOAP

     Ingredients
  • Half gallon of water
  • 1 bar of pure castile soap, e.g., Dr. Bronner's or Kirk's (you need the castile soap, because it contains natural glycerin)
  • Almost 3 tbsp of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (I never knew this existed before getting the recipe off the web but found it easily in my supermarket)
  • Big pot
  • Cheese grater
  • Funnel
     Steps
  1. Sit in front of the TV with your big pot, cheese grater, and soap.
  2. Grate the soap in the pot as you watch TV.
  3. When your show is over, add the water to the pot.
  4. Bring the water to a boil so that all the soap melts.
  5. Add the super washing soda to the mix.
  6. Set the pot aside for 24 hours, stirring occasionally. It will thicken.
  7. Funnel into dishwashing bottles.

LAUNDRY SOAP

     Ingredients
  • 1 bar of pure castile soap, e.g., Dr. Bronner's or Kirk's (you need the castile soap, because it contains natural glycerin)
  • 1 cup of Borax laundry booster
  • 1 cup of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
  • Big pot
  • Cheese grater
     Steps
  1. Sit in front of the TV with your big pot, cheese grater, and soap.
  2. Grate the soap in the pot as you watch TV.
  3. When your show is over, add the super washing soda and Borax.
  4. Mix it up and put in a container with a small scoop and tight lid.

Use 1 tbsp for a small load and 2-3 tbsp for large loads. Before adding it to a cold-water wash, put it in a jar with a pint of warm water and shake. This will dissolve the soap.

WEED KILLER

     Ingredients
  • 1 gallon sprayer
  • Flo-Master HD-1 at Home Depot
  • 1 gallon of regular vinegar
  • 1 cup of Epsom salt
  • 1 tbsp of liquid dishwashing detergent (I used Dawn, as directed, but I'll bet a pure homemade mixture would work as well)

Spray the stuff on the weeds. It might take a couple of days for the things to die, and this isn't like the toxic season-long herbicides, so I have to use it more often. However, I never feel guilty using it, because I'm not poisoning myself, anyone else, pets, or wild animals. Not sure about bugs.