Nitwit Amateur Surfer Lost at Sea
A nitwit amateur surfer who goes by the name of Sharky Babson failed to follow basic surfing precautions and is now lost at sea.
Malibu police chief Harry Smith tells The Daily News his department hasn't decided whether to send out a search party for Babson. "We have so many nitwit amateur surfers who screw up all the time it's eating up our resources. If they can't follow simple rules, then screw 'em."
France Dumping Its Rapists & Criminals in U.S.
Donald Trump Sr. today told reporters at a press conference, "France is dumping its rapists and criminals in the United States, and that's making our nation not great."
To fix this, he proposes, "Make me king and let me take whatever I want. That's the only way we can be great again."
When asked to expound, Trump Sr. repeatedly asked, "What does expound mean?"
He then went on to tell the reporters how he has the bestest, the smartest, the toughest, the cagiest son in the whole United States, probably the whole world. When asked his name, Mr. Trump said, "Let me get back to you on that."