<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

<
^
>

FIDO'S ON THE MENU!

Natasha Loomis, 49, the wife of Metropolis Animal Control Commissioner Boris Loomis, claims to have proof that her husband has been selling to local restaurants the meat of dogs and cats his department rounds up. She also claims restaurants are aware of the source of the meat but the price is so good they can't say no.

"This has been going on for years and years," said Mrs. Loomis. "Nobody has suspected anything, because dogs and cats taste just like chicken."

The Commissioner of Police, Toady Michaels, tells The Daily News his department is forming a committee to determine if an investigation is warranted. "We can't just jump into this. People have deep feelings about dogs and cats, even their abandoned ones."

When asked why she decided now to divulge her husband's "dog catch of the day," Mrs. Loomis said, "It's a dog-eat-dog world, and, truth be told, I was afraid I could be next."

LOCAL LIBRARIES CREATE ADULTS-ONLY XXX-RATED BOOK SHELVES

Thanks to the efforts of notorious author Clarence Footbridge, Metropolis libraries will stock adults-only tomes. What these libraries won't do for more foot traffic!